


Fake Smiles

by AGalaxyAway



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Angst, Gen, How Do I Tag, Kaito-centric, Momota-centric, My First AO3 Post, My First Fanfic, My First Work in This Fandom, Not Beta Read, One Shot, Trans Character, Trans Kaito Momota, Trans Male Character, Trans Momota Kaito, i don't know how to tag that correctly, i might add more tags if i think of more tags that apply, shuichi and maki are so supportive and i love them, some fluff at the end ish, the relationships are written as platonic but can be seen as romantic, those three are actual preexisting tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-05-28 14:01:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15050708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AGalaxyAway/pseuds/AGalaxyAway
Summary: Kaito Momota hated being transgender.He absolutely hated it.He hated never feeling masculine enough.He hated having to wear a binder until his ribs were sore and his back burned just so he could feel normal.He hated not being able to exercise in front of others.He hated his dysphoria.Worst of all, he hated having to keep it a secret.





	Fake Smiles

Kaito Momota hated being transgender. 

He absolutely hated it.

He hated never feeling masculine enough.

He hated having to wear a binder until his ribs were sore and his back burned just so he could feel normal.

He hated not being able to exercise in front of others.

He hated his dysphoria.

Worst of all, he hated having to keep it a secret.

He was such a hypocrite. He would constantly remind his loving sidekicks that they could tell him anything, that their problems were his to help solve. He remembered so many nights when Shuichi would knock on his door and they’d go up to the roof and stargaze while trying to calm Shuichi’s labored breathing and racing thoughts. Some nights took longer that others, but Kaito would always eventually get Shuichi to calm down and sleep. Every time, Kaito would have to carry him to Shuichi’s room then return to his own. And every time, he didn’t mind at all.

He remembered fewer but just as notable nights when Maki would knock on his door and demand that they see a movie, or read a book, or study, or any other excuse that she could come up with. They both knew that she didn’t care about the activity, she just wanted to hear him talk to distract her from the memories that plagued her mind. Still, Kaito played along. He talked about the constellations, what he was working on for his classes, his astronaut training, anything except for his secret. Each time, she would roll her eyes at him after enough time and return to her room, but he could tell from the smiles that she tried to hide that he had helped her.

Never, though, did he ask his sidekicks for help. Maybe, just maybe, if he kept his secret for long enough and dealt with everything on his own, he would feel manly and strong enough to not still feel like a girl.

Usually, he was fine enough. He wore a white binder under his shirt and went to his classes. Usually, his nagging dysphoria was small enough to try to ignore. He didn’t take a gym class, so he didn’t have to worry about exercising until every night when he and his sidekicks would train together. He would do a few push ups and sit ups with them to humor them, really, but he really just pushed them as hard as he wished he could push himself from the sidelines. He would shout encouragement at them as the two of them ran laps, Maki not breaking a sweat and Shuichi sweating heavily. They’d occasionally question his lack of exercise, and he would always respond with a joke and a smile.

He hated lying to them. He desperately wanted to tell them and get help, to lighten the load on his mind, but a bigger part of his mind told him that he would just be bothering them, that they’d never look at him the same way again, that he wouldn’t be manly if he did.

One day, it was about fifteen minutes before training was supposed to start, and Kaito was curled up into a ball. He hadn’t taken his binder off since yesterday, having even slept with it. He knew that he could break a rib by doing this, and he would be lying if he said that he didn’t care and that he wasn’t worried, but at the same time, he knew that he would feel even worse if he took his binder off. So, for now, he left it on and tried to ignore the pain. But dear god, did it hurt. His entire chest felt like it was on fire. Every breath he took made it feel even worse. He gritted his teeth and dug his nails into his palm to distract himself from the pain. He slowly stood up and laid himself on top of his bed, stretching his limbs out. He pinched the edge of his binder through his shirt and slightly lifted it above his chest in an attempt to feel better, even if just for a moment, but immediately regretted doing so as the skin around his chest crawled. It felt disgusting. He let the binder go. He reached his hand up and stroked his a goatee in an attempt to comfort himself. He had been taking testosterone for a few years now, and his goatee sometimes helped him remember that his transition was working. Stroking his goatee helped, but not much. 

He sighed. He was dreading the training session. His sidekicks were rather perceptive, and he didn’t know if he could pretend to be okay throughout the entire session without either of them noticing. Just the thought of it caused his breath to quicken, which didn’t help his chest at all. Maybe he could just pretend to be asleep already-

Suddenly, he heard the sound of knocking. Fuck. He had waited too long. He immediately got up, took a deep breath, and answered the door.

“Hey, Shuichi!” Kaito greeted, beaming what he hoped was a convincing smile.  
“Hi, Kaito. Uh… Maki and I noticed that you weren’t there when we went to train, and she sent me to see what was going on.”  
“Well…” Fuck. He had to think of something convincing, fast. He ran his hand through his hair as he continued,  
“I haven’t been feeling well, really. I think I came down with something. Don’t worry, though, I’ll feel better by tomorrow! In the meantime, make sure to work yourselves twice as hard today, yeah?” He hoped that his acting wasn’t terrible enough to make Shuichi suspicious.  
“O-Oh, okay. Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow. I hope you feel better.” Shuichi left, and Kaito shut the door.

Kaito sat against the wall next to the door as he waited long enough to make sure that neither Shuichi or Maki were coming back to check on him. As soon as he was sure, he let out a sigh that he didn’t know that he was holding. He walked back to the bed and laid on top of it again, trying his best to ignore how uncomfortable he felt. He stared up at the ceiling as he tried to reason to himself that he had to take his binder off.

At least half an hour later, Kaito was finally able to convince himself to take it off by reminding himself that the sooner he took it off, the longer his chest would be able to recover for before he had to put it on the next morning. He sat up and with shaky hands, he reluctantly took his shirt and binder off then put his shirt back on as fast as he could. He fell back down on his bed as he greedily gulped in air. 

His lungs felt so relieved, but he felt so disgusting. Real men didn’t have breasts. Real men weren’t so weak. He tried his best to resist the urge to put his binder back on. He stroked his goatee again as he tried and failed to keep his thoughts from spiraling further. He didn’t get much sleep that night.

The next day, his dysphoria wasn’t as bad, but it was still worse than normal. Still, though, he tried his best to ignore it as he attended his classes. Eventually, he was back in his room, and training was about to start in fifteen minutes. He couldn’t skip out again, or his sidekicks would get even more suspicious. His binder didn’t make his chest hurt as much as it did yesterday, but he still knew that he had kept it on for longer than he should have. He tried to ignore the soreness as he forced himself to leave his room and head outside.

He was alone for a few minutes before Shuichi and Maki showed up.

“Hey, Shuichi! Hey, Maki Roll!” he greeted with the most cheerful smile he could manage.  
“I told you to not call me that…” Maki grumbled. So far, so good.  
“Hey, Kaito! So you’re feeling better today?” Shuichi asked.  
“Yeah! Are you two ready to show me how much you’ve improved since yesterday?” Kaito said with a sly smirk.  
“Kaito, you look a bit off. Something is bothering you.” Maki bluntly stated. Was he really that transparent? He had tried his hardest to keep his secret and pretend that he was fine, but his efforts apparently weren’t good enough. Damnit. She was too perceptive for her own good. Kaito hesitated.  
“Huh? What do you mean?” Kaito asked, playing dumb.  
“Uh… Kaito, I noticed that you were a bit off yesterday when I went to your room, too. What’s wrong? You can tell us anything.” Shuichi said, his voice full of concern that made Kaito sick to his stomach. He didn’t want to bother them. He didn’t want to be a burden. He wanted to be a hero. He wanted to be manly. He should’ve known better than to think that he could convincingly lie to the Ultimate Detective, after all. Kaito was cornered. He sighed.  
“Yeah, you’re right. There’s something that I’ve wanted to bring up for a while, but I just didn’t know when to.” Kaito casually mentioned. He was going to have to tell them. He knew that he would have to tell them eventually, but he was still dreading this moment. He didn’t want to drag them down his his own doubts and fears. He needed to be strong. He needed to be a hero. But didn’t heroes need to confide in people? They were human, after all. It couldn’t not be manly to be human, right? Right? Plus, he trusted his loyal sidekicks. That didn’t make him any less anxious, though, but he knew that he had no choice.  
“Well, the truth is…” he hesitated. Maki rolled her eyes.  
“Just spit it out already, idiot.” she crossed her arms.  
“H-hey! It isn’t easy to say this, ya know?” Kaito defended. The atmosphere was choking him. He tried to pretend that he wasn’t as nervous as he was, that he wasn’t as much of a failure as he was. He had no choice, he reminded himself. He needed to tell them. If he didn’t tell them, they wouldn’t trust him anymore, and he wasn’t sure if he would be able to face them after that if they didn’t trust him. His mouth was dry and he felt like he was burning, but he brought up all of the courage he could muster and opened his mouth to speak.  
“As I was saying, what I wanted to tell you was that… I’m trans.” Kaito’s face heated up as he lifted his shirt with one hand to reveal his binder. He looked away. He couldn’t bear to see their disappointed faces when they realized that he wasn’t a real hero, that he wasn’t manly enough to be able to save anyone. He was pathetic.  
“Huh? What does that mean?” he heard Maki ask. He didn’t blame her for not knowing. She grew up in an orphanage and as an assassin, after all. Kaito let his shirt drop back to normal.  
“O-oh.” Shuichi knew, Kaito could tell.  
“It means that I was born as a girl, but thanks to hormones and stuff, I’m a guy now. So… yeah.” Kaito still avoided their gazes. He didn’t want to go into detail about what he went through. They pitied him enough. They could tell that this bothered him.  
“Ahh. I see. Don’t worry about it. You’re a guy. A dumb guy, but you’re a guy.” Maki comforted in her own way. Kaito looked back at them.  
“Yeah, Kaito, don’t worry. We understand why you kept it a secret from us. Just remember that if you ever need help, we’re here for you, okay?” Shuichi said. They were lying to him. They pitied him. They hated him. Kaito’s face flushed with shame.  
“Really, Kaito, I don’t get why you think that this is such a big deal and why you felt like you had to keep this a secret from us. You’re still Kaito. Nothing changed.” Maki continued. They pitied him, right? Did they?  
“Kaito, you help us with our problems all the time. This is no different. You’re okay.” Shuichi helped. Kaito repeated that over and over again in his head. This is no different. You’re okay. This is no different. You’re okay. This is no different. You’re okay. Somehow, those words were able to break through his cloud of negative thoughts and assure him that they meant what they were saying, that they weren’t lying to him. They assured him that they didn’t pity him, that he wasn’t a burden, that he was manly. Kaito smiled a genuine smile.  
“Thanks, guys. Now, are you ready to show me how hard you worked yesterday?” Kaito asked with another sly smirk.

Things weren’t easy after that. His problems didn’t just magically go away once he told his beloved sidekicks. He did, however, receive support whenever he had a bad day by being reminded to take his binder off and that he was still valid, no matter how much he felt like he wasn’t manly enough. Things weren’t easy, but they were easier.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Thanks for reading this fic! As you can tell by the tags, this is my first fanfiction ever. I couldn't find any trans Kaito fics, so I decided to write one. I hope you liked it, and please leave a comment!


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